Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! With Your Valentine

Today’s topic: Dealing with Valentine’s Day discord.

February, often associated with love, romance, and celebration, can also bring about stress, unmet expectations, and pressure. The dilemmas of what to buy, how much to spend, where to go for dinner, what to wear, and how to make the moment special can cause friction and tension in your marriage. 

But fear not, as our upcoming Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! ™ Turnaround aims to provide practical insights and strategies to navigate these challenges, fostering a more fulfilling connection between you and your partner.  

And just in case you’re new to our Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! mini-series read about how it all began here — it saved my marriage!  

How to Stop, Drop, and Roll with Your Valentine

1. Stop fueling the flames.
   
   With so much on the line for you and your Valentine, keep a cool head when disagreements happen, and tell yourself:  It doesn't matter who started the argument or what it's about. What matters is that I stop fueling the flames.
   
   Stop contributing to the fighting and escalating it.  Stop trying to ‘make’ your Valentine understand your point of view. Stop saying, “Yes, but after everything he says.”
   
   Instead, stop feeding the fire by saying with warmth in your voice and love in your heart:
   
   “I see we’re butting heads, and I don’t want to do that with you. Let’s take a break and come back in a little while to talk things over.”
   
   Then, physically walk away from the conversation.* 
   
   

2. Drop Valentine’s Day expectations.
   
   To avoid further hurt, drop any need for your Valentine to agree with what you’re saying, apologize for what he should have done, or fix your hurt feelings.
   
   Use your time away to reflect on what triggered you (not who). And the hurt piece within you that needs your attention.
   

3. Roll into self-care and love mode.
   
   Deprive the argument of oxygen by engaging in self-nurturing activities.
   
   Go for a walk, pull an Angel card for clarity, pour your feelings out in your journal, or do Qi Gong or Tai Chi exercises. Anything that restores your feeling of centeredness and inner calm is what you’ll roll into.
   

   * Don't push for reconciliation if you or your husband isn’t ready to talk. Instead, communicate the need for more time by saying:

“I’m still upset and need some more time to calm down. Let’s talk about this tomorrow at a specific time.”

All it takes is one person in the relationship to stop, drop, and roll to smother the flames. Then, when it’s time, you’ll return to the conversation feeling inner-centered, emotionally balanced, and ready to invite conversation.